Seasons of Change

As I lay here in the dark for the fourth consecutive day, my head pounding, I find myself to-ing and fro-ing between how much I hate this feeling and how much I hate myself for allowing it to take over. It seems it’s always easier to hate yourself instead of your circumstances, as though you... Continue Reading →

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I am Satan and Drugs are Fun.

Never has the phrase "take it one day at a time" been so important to me. A few weeks ago I thought the medication was kicking in. I'd been taking it for two months and the side effects weren't going away for the longest time. I knew that it usually takes around three weeks to... Continue Reading →

Riding the Waves

Good news: I think the meds have been kicking in this past week or so. THANK GAAHHD. I've felt way less fatigued, the nausea has dissipated and I am feeling remarkably less inclined to wish for a giant meteor to strike the earth and end it all, which I think is a good sign. I've... Continue Reading →

Treading on Thin Ice

It appears that I am back in the dungeon of doom. Again. I think I'm going to start putting up picture frames and twinkle lights soon, considering I seem to be spending more time here than in Happy Land. Ugh. It turns out I am the person who is prescribed medication to feel better but... Continue Reading →

Depression Confession

New year, same me. Obviously. At least I'm consistent?! Before the holidays I saw a doctor for the first time in a lot of years (I literally see one every 5-ish years because, fuck that). She was recommended to me by a friend who also hates the medical profession and after talking about potentially registering with her... Continue Reading →

To Diagnose, or Not to Diagnose…

... that is the question. Well, my therapist has questioned whether an additional diagnosis should be added to my already-colourful list. At first I thought she was joking and I've laughed it off several times in the past - not because I think it's a laughable diagnosis but more so because it's embarrassingly accurate and... Continue Reading →

The Power of ‘Fucking’

Oftentimes I'm asked not to swear, or told to tone down my language, or I'm given a death-stare by somebody within earshot. When this happens, I feel this dark cloud of shame come across me. It's an old, familiar cloud and it covers me from head to toe every single time. Usually when shame strikes,... Continue Reading →

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